Talking to people lately has inspired so many other discussions and, appropriately, many new blog posts. I have missives in the works concerning a lot of things in my life lately… and as much as it is sharing for sharing’s sake (isn’t that why we do this?), it has been a learning experience for me in so many ways to sit down and put these ideas to, well, paper as it were. Because of how I process and learn (written assignments are my best bet, if you haven’t yet noticed), it takes me a moment or two to finalize them. Read the rest of this entry
A few hours before I was to see him, we were discussing our evening. “Blowjobs, clowns, knives, and a cameo by Miss USA?” I asked.
“Two of those I can accomodate.”
“You have a clown?!”
Deviant tossed the leather pillow on to the floor and pointed to it. “Kneel.”
He placed onto me a set of heavy steel wrist cuffs, the type with a hinge that bind your wrists like handcuffs, wrapping each in thick, cold, metal, but still essentially being all one piece.
And then, he walked out of the room. Read the rest of this entry
“How’s Saturday?” Deviant asked me. I almost said I was busy but, my camping plans having been canceled due to business obligations, I was open. I said as much and we made a plan for the afternoon. I was under the impression his time would be limited, so I asked him to clarify; I didn’t want anyone to feel rushed and in a moment of pure selfishness (I admitted as much) I wanted my time with him to be our time without the need to rush off to something else.
“If another time is better…” I started to say.
“Oh, no, sweetie, not like that. It’s all good. Anyway. It won’t take long to make you quit.”
I waited a few moments before responding. I had to ponder this. Quit?
“O.o” I thought about it for about ten minutes and then sent, “Um, Sir?”
“Bring it on. ;)”
As a birthday concession, I was asked if I had anything specific in mind for a session. I hadn’t had a session since we were in Seattle almost a month ago… so, after that time period, and coupled with my funk, I asked for something “intense.” I gave some suggestions when asked – I always have ideas for what I want to do/have done to me – but the point was, and I explained this to him, I was searching for an emotion, a feeling, a headspace… not necessarily a particular activity. I said I needed a session that would get me out of my head and help me break through. Deviant is a creative player and he knows me like no one else. I asked for the feelings, I explained what I was dealing with, and he understood completely.
I said I would love something new, maybe something brutal, and provided to Deviant some suggestions that included piss play (we haven’t done this yet), knives, guns, predicament bondage, humiliation (this was never my gig, but I am learning to appreciate it because of him…), and, of course, the deep bruising and impact play that I love so much.
I hadn’t had an orgasm in over two weeks. While that is nothing compared to previous assignments or restrictions Deviant has imposed upon me, and while some of you gentle readers have lasted a hell of a lot longer, it should be noted that I had permission. I earned it; my orgasm restriction was lifted over a week prior, and…
… no go.
I was early. The grey weather persisted and subsequent influx of bad drivers to the Las Vegas valley had me worried about traffic and road safety. I left my house about 30 minutes earlier than normal and still arrived only 15 minutes early. His wife greeted me at the door and after chatting for a few minutes offered me a drink and said that Deviant requested I wait for him in the play room. I declined the beverage and headed upstairs.
Already waiting on the dresser were the requisite blue and orange plastic cups with ice water. I also noticed a switch on the floor, the Hitachi, and a few other items out of place. I lit the candles and put the toys away, then sat on the stool by the dressers. I waited, hands folded, listening to the shower down the hall and looking around the room. I always feel so cocooned there, so shielded, so protected. Odd? Maybe, considering I was there to be dominated physically and mentally, consensually injured. But I also know I am safe.
This session was not planned as much as it was… needed. My head was in a fog, I was a bit jumbled, and I was letting things bother me that did not deserve that kind of time. In truth, it was a mess of small things mostly, but between the mindfuck, the heartbreaking community service, some confusing inner monologues and a little inherent holiday sadness, it was all precariously unbalanced in my head and in my heart… I just needed some perspective, a little ego stroke, and a reminder that I was amazing, I could handle it all and then some, and I could take whatever it was that was thrown at me…. with a smile and maybe some glitter.
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