A few hours before I was to see him, we were discussing our evening. “Blowjobs, clowns, knives, and a cameo by Miss USA?” I asked.
“Two of those I can accomodate.”
“You have a clown?!”
Deviant tossed the leather pillow on to the floor and pointed to it. “Kneel.”
He placed onto me a set of heavy steel wrist cuffs, the type with a hinge that bind your wrists like handcuffs, wrapping each in thick, cold, metal, but still essentially being all one piece.
And then, he walked out of the room. Read the rest of this entry
“How’s Saturday?” Deviant asked me. I almost said I was busy but, my camping plans having been canceled due to business obligations, I was open. I said as much and we made a plan for the afternoon. I was under the impression his time would be limited, so I asked him to clarify; I didn’t want anyone to feel rushed and in a moment of pure selfishness (I admitted as much) I wanted my time with him to be our time without the need to rush off to something else.
“If another time is better…” I started to say.
“Oh, no, sweetie, not like that. It’s all good. Anyway. It won’t take long to make you quit.”
I waited a few moments before responding. I had to ponder this. Quit?
“O.o” I thought about it for about ten minutes and then sent, “Um, Sir?”
“Bring it on. ;)”
As a birthday concession, I was asked if I had anything specific in mind for a session. I hadn’t had a session since we were in Seattle almost a month ago… so, after that time period, and coupled with my funk, I asked for something “intense.” I gave some suggestions when asked – I always have ideas for what I want to do/have done to me – but the point was, and I explained this to him, I was searching for an emotion, a feeling, a headspace… not necessarily a particular activity. I said I needed a session that would get me out of my head and help me break through. Deviant is a creative player and he knows me like no one else. I asked for the feelings, I explained what I was dealing with, and he understood completely.
I said I would love something new, maybe something brutal, and provided to Deviant some suggestions that included piss play (we haven’t done this yet), knives, guns, predicament bondage, humiliation (this was never my gig, but I am learning to appreciate it because of him…), and, of course, the deep bruising and impact play that I love so much.
I hadn’t had an orgasm in over two weeks. While that is nothing compared to previous assignments or restrictions Deviant has imposed upon me, and while some of you gentle readers have lasted a hell of a lot longer, it should be noted that I had permission. I earned it; my orgasm restriction was lifted over a week prior, and…
… no go.
I needed… something.
I felt as if I had been through a lot lately. Nothing traumatic… but definitely emotionally draining when all stacked together. Stress from work and school were building, some personal stuff was swirling around a bit too much for my taste, and I felt a little disconnected from Deviant. I had traveled from one side of the country to the other and back again, and generally found myself busier than usual. I felt pulled, pushed, pressed, and scattered. It had a profound impact on my balance or, rather, lack thereof.
I hadn’t had as much download time with him as I had gotten used to, and it had been even longer since a subspace-inducing play session. I wasn’t complaining (though I am sure there were times I may have brushed against that line - cringe), because no matter what the situation or environment when I spend time with Deviant, we connect well and we get what we need from that moment; no one does it like Deviant.
Because I did feel like I needed something, something heavy, and I needed it from him, I asked for it.