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My friend, the newly minted citizen: I have an envelope of materials, including the program for today’s ceremony, but there is not enough light to read!

Me, the supportive guest in the audience: Play games on the iPhone? Just don’t register to vote, the emcee will take you off the list.

Friend: 11am! We are going to be here all day.

Me: It’s the final test. They want to make sure you really want this.

Friend: This is really bad. Have you noticed all

Me: Oops! Hit the send button instead of the backspace button. Anyway, have you noticed all the weird* people? Do I have to wave my flag? You can leave

Friend: if you want and come back to take me to the airport.

Me: Hahaha I HAVE noticed! And the ‘”fashionable” clothes they’ve just got to wear to this. Ugh! I figure if I leave now, I can hit Fashion Show and CC Grill before you’re done.

Friend: This is worse than church.

Me: At least in church there is music and enough light to balance my checkbook.

Friend: Exactly. Did you get the programme? If so, who is the guest speaker? Too dark to read my programme.

Me: Keynotes are [Useless Assistant to the Assistant of some Local Administrative Assistant to a Local Official x 2]….

Friend: Fabulous, they will make it well worth the wait. 93 countries. Help! There must be several citizens from “Mission Impossible” countries.

Me: Wouldn’t it be 94? I thought Czechoslovakia was now the Czech Republic and Slovakia? Hmmmm….

Friend: Pay attention to the movie.

Friend: I can’t wait until they discuss/list the 13 original states.

Me: You should raise your hand….. Is this in a loop?

Friend: What will I do with freedom! Go to Nieman Marcus, of course!