As a birthday concession, I was asked if I had anything specific in mind for a session. I hadn’t had a session since we were in Seattle almost a month ago… so, after that time period, and coupled with my funk, I asked for something “intense.” I gave some suggestions when asked – I always have ideas for what I want to do/have done to me – but the point was, and I explained this to him, I was searching for an emotion, a feeling, a headspace… not necessarily a particular activity. I said I needed a session that would get me out of my head and help me break through. Deviant is a creative player and he knows me like no one else. I asked for the feelings, I explained what I was dealing with, and he understood completely.
I said I would love something new, maybe something brutal, and provided to Deviant some suggestions that included piss play (we haven’t done this yet), knives, guns, predicament bondage, humiliation (this was never my gig, but I am learning to appreciate it because of him…), and, of course, the deep bruising and impact play that I love so much.
I hadn’t had an orgasm in over two weeks. While that is nothing compared to previous assignments or restrictions Deviant has imposed upon me, and while some of you gentle readers have lasted a hell of a lot longer, it should be noted that I had permission. I earned it; my orgasm restriction was lifted over a week prior, and…
… no go.